I received this holiday greeting many years ago, back when we used to get this stuff by Fax machine:

From me (“the Wishor”) to you (“the Wishee”) Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the   winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular  practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to  practice religious or secular traditions at all . I wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2002, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the Wishee. By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that this greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal. This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original  greeting and that the proprietary rights of the Wishor are acknowledged. This greeting implies no promise by the Wishor to actually implement any of the wishes. This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain Wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the Wishor. This  greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of  one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. The Wishor warrants this greeting only   for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the Wishor. Any references in this greeting to “the Lord”, “Father Christmas”, “Our Savior”, “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” or any other festive figures,  whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged. This greeting is made under US  Law.